K. Wear

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I was a freshman at a school I didn’t want to go to and so college started off pretty rough. I was miserable in the ‘Happiest City in America’. Everyone told me that I needed to go out to have fun and I needed to go to a party to enjoy college and that I just need to meet more people. So near the end of February 2016 I went to my very first college party and I wish I could take that night back. I met a guy that I thought was interested in me. How was I to know that a few days later he would rape me in my own dorm room. I was scared, sad, hurt, mislead, vulnerable, embarrassed, and so many emotions I still cannot put into words. I remember sitting in the shower after it happened because 18-year-old me didn’t know what to do. I tried forgetting what happened to me but that was not working. I refused to tell anyone because I felt like it was a secret that could not be shared with anyone. It wasn’t until nightmares started and I would wake up screaming in the middle of the night that my roommate asked me what was wrong. I had just joined a sorority too so it should have been the best time of my life but having this secret was weighing me down. I didn’t trust anyone, I didn’t want to make friends, I didn’t want to leave my dorm. I stopped going to class which caused my grades to drop and that made it obvious that I was not going to be transferring schools any time soon. My typical day was to wake up, attempt to go to class, and put on a happy face and act like I was okay. Oh and don’t forget that I still had to deal with regular stress and emotions of just life in general.

It wasn’t until I called my mom and told her what had happened that my long road to learning how to handle it started. I reported it, went to therapy, and started my journey of healing. The hardest experience was honestly trying to open up to my peers about it. My sorority sisters were so supportive and loving when I told them, however, when I told my best friend from high school, I was called a liar, that I only am saying this to get attention, and that the only reason this happened is because I have so called ‘daddy issues’. It was so hard losing all of my high school friends during this emotionally hard time in my life. However, my grandma is the one that helped me through it all. She took me to therapy, she sat with me while I was being interviewed by law firms, and she was there when I needed to break down and cry. She is the one that helped me handle it all.

During the time span that I was raped and the time I finally told my mom a lot of people tell me that they had no idea. I really only use Facebook, Snapchat, and Instagram but when it comes down to it I really only ever use Instagram. No one knew what I was going through because my posts were all incredibly positive. Everyone always thought I was okay even though on the inside I want to breakdown. I didn’t believe that anything like my story belonged on social media and I was also not ready to share it. It took me forever to build up the courage to post something about it. It wasn’t until the end of the #MeToo movement that my Fire and Society teacher gave me the courage to talk about it in a public setting that she didn’t even know she gave me. It took my from February 2016 to November 2017 to gain the courage I needed to finally open up about it. This is the post and next to it are the responses.

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Asia Croson