I have been suffering from severe depression for the past 6 months. This has impacted different areas of my life significantly. I felt like I was out in the middle of the ocean, treading water, trying to get to shore, but I was just stuck in a rip current that just kept pulling me further and farther away. This past fall quarter, I lost weight, I was poorly taking care of myself, I withdrew from my academics and social life. I didn't want to get out of bed. Anyone who knows me knows that I am an extroverted, social butterfly, so this experience was something foreign that I didn't know how to handle at first. The hardest part was the feeling that it would be better to end it all. However, the hardest part, also happened to be my driving point. The night I attempted suicide was an eye opener for me that I actually needed help. I called my parents, I told them what was happening, and I was able to get the help that I needed. I got help.
Sometimes the hardest thing to admit is that you need help. And I am definitely a person who thinks she can just do everything and it will turn out fine. But getting help was exactly what I needed to get through this. My mom has been the most helpful through my experience. I found out so much more about my mom, and our relationship deepened even more than I thought was possible. Also I definitely couldn't have gone through this without the support of my sisters in Alpha Omicron Pi. My sisters were there for me always, and would try their hardest to get me out of bed and out of the house.
The stigma around mental health and suicide is not a good one. People tend to brush over it and some people that I had opened up to about this were like “happiness is a choice, and you’re just choosing not to be happy.” The fear of judgment and people looking at me differently kept me from wanting to share anything with anybody. The fear that it I would disappoint and let everyone down. I’m not sure I have an accurate picture that represents what I went through. I hope that anyone who posted something about depression would receive lots of love, especially from their friends. However, at the peak of my hardship, I couldn't fathom posting anything about it. Now, the thought of sharing my story doesn't completely scare me, but it is kind of terrifying. I hope that by sharing it on social media, it will help me but also help whoever else is going through similar things. Honestly, it’s such a cliche, but IT GETS BETTER. I thought I wouldn't. I thought that I would be stuck with this for the rest of my life. However, once I got the help I needed I realized that I was not alone, I was not the only person struggling with this. There are so many people that are going through similar things. But not only that, but your friends and family and even complete strangers are and can be there for you; you are not alone.